My clients Bill and Lesley were at a loss as to which fires they were supposed to put out first – Beazley’s separation anxiety, Nellie’s reactivity, or the fights that occurred regularly between the two. This couple had decades of dog experience, yet they were struggling. When they sought help, they rarely came across holistic solutions. Were they supposed to hire a different trainer for every problem they were experiencing?
“We were just spinning our wheels,” said Lesley. She’d signed up for anything she could find – reactive dog training, obedience classes, and medication, to name a few.
Friction and resentment between Lesley, who was primarily in charge of the dogs, and Bill, who worked long hours outside the home, crept into the relationship. Lesley recalled how “depressing” it was to have to be home with the dogs all the time – not being able to trust them alone or around each other. “Our lives were becoming smaller and smaller,” she said, “no joy, and no freedom.”
Their situation was becoming gradually intolerable. They were having discussions about rehoming one of the dogs. “Is this what we’re going to face for the rest of our lives?” they wondered. “There had to be an answer and I had to find it,” said Lesley.
Luckily, she found out about our seminar in her area and, long story short, she attended it, was sold on the Way of Life Method, and told Bill all about it. The Method’s emphasis on taking responsibility for our dogs’ way of life “made total sense,” she told us. But she felt an enormous amount of guilt. Guilt for how bad things had gotten and how she had not recognized the root problem. Many of our clients feel this way, wondering how they missed something so obvious. That’s how much sense the Way of Life Method makes once people get it!
Still, believing the process and applying it can be different. The initial days and weeks introducing the Method proved challenging. While Nellie welcomed the change with relief, Beazley fought against it, breaking out of her crate and barking at night and early in the morning while being weaned off her medication. Due to a knee injury, she could not be exercised and tired out like Nellie could. Bill also resisted somewhat, much as he knew the girls would benefit. “Where are the cuddles? Where’s all the fun?” he complained. It was a bumpy ride for all of them, but they held on.
Today, about nine months into a new way of life, both dogs and humans have been changed by the experience. Nellie has evolved into a carefree, happy-go-lucky girl who “hardly reacts to anything anymore.” Beazley is off the meds, is gaining confidence, and can now be left alone. Outside, she is finding things less worthy of attention and reaction. The girls are learning to be around each other maturely, focusing primarily on the humans and not the other dog.
The couple now sees eye-to-eye on the dogs and they have a method guiding their life together. Bill can be gone for a while knowing his partner is able to live her life freely, with or without the dogs. Lesley is relishing the freedom that steady dogs have given her. And because she has invested so much of herself into the process, she has become more assertive with her dogs as well as with others encroaching on her dogs.
As a unit, Lesley and Bill have their life back and radiate the pride inherent in taking responsibility for their problem and turning their life around.
